A guilty secret can become like a worm in your brain and there are many online recommendations on how to resolve such a dilemma. My guilty secret didn’t require “therapy” though perhaps wouldn’t be a bad idea for other crazy thoughts that sometimes become entangled in my brain.
So, first off here is my confession… Though I claimed to have hiked the whole Appalachian Trail, I actually skipped 5 miles from Carter Hut to Pinkham Notch in the Whites of New Hampshire on my 2018 hike. I had intended to hike it on 9/13/2018 but had a bit of an emotional meltdown when reaching Carter Hut. The trail from Imp campsite had been extremely difficult for me and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to make the reservation I had at Pinkham Notch that evening. The kind and compassionate Carter Hut crew quickly recognized my distress and were able to change my stay to Carter by radioing down to the crew at the Notch. I met day hikers, Bill and Carol who were also staying at Carter, and they cheered me up and helped pull me out of my doldrums.
Here are my trail journal entries from those days! https://www.trailjournals.com/journal/entry/603378 https://www.trailjournals.com/journal/entry/603379
It was suggested that I could hike down the easier 19 Mile Brook Trail and then catch the bus to Pinkham Notch. So, that is what I did the following morning, but for some reason that decision has always prompted guilt. Many with whom I shared this information disputed my feelings of being a hiking imposter, but the final online guilty secret recommendation of “taking action” was my first choice to remedy this issue. My return to New Hampshire to hike the MSGT and Cohos Trail provided the opportunity to resolve this omission.
A day hike was planned NOBO from Pinkham Notch up to the Wildcat Range and then over to the intersection with 19 Mile Brook Trail, about .3 miles from Carter Hut. The hike was beautiful and challenging but doable at my current level of fitness and state of mind. I was probably correct in my assessment of not being able to hike it on that day in 2018 but perhaps should have attempted it the following morning. The truth is I didn’t, and I have always regretted it.
Interestingly, on this current hike to rectify my guilty secret I ran into a young man who was thru hiking and seemed very unhappy and other hikers kept commenting on how grouchy and uncommunicative he was. I ran into him a second time as he forlornly sat trail side. I stopped for a few moments and asked him if he was ok. He replied that he wasn’t and proceeded to tell me that he had time constraints for his hike and had set up an impossible daily mileage goal. Sound familiar? I recounted my similar tale and how I was finally making amends 6 years later. I gave him a few words of encouragement and told him he could do it and to keep going, words spoken to me that have meant a lot. We made eye contact in silence for several moments and then he profusely thanked me, and I hiked on to absolution and finally complete the Appalachian Trail.
Hi Nemophilist!
This is the guy you met on the C.T. that had a hip problem in section 2. I was able to return the next year to finish my hike. It has never been about the competition of a hike it’s about the enjoyment while you’re out there. I aways enjoy reading about your adventures. I know from the first time we met. That you would always hold a special relationship with the outdoors and the people of the trail that I do. Although our meeting was brief, you will always hold a special place in my heart ❤️. Stay safe and stay happy! Always your friend John C.
Hi John, Of course, I remember you and have wondered if you were able to return and complete the CT. So happy to hear that you did! It was one of my favorite trails! Absolutely agree that it’s the journey not the destination, an intention that I lost sight of in a recent confusing time. Thank you for the reminder and your words of wisdom. Happy Trails!